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O ne afternoon, a few months after my daughter was born, my husband Tom was sprawled on the couch, eyes glued to the Tour De France. As Lfe fed Sylvie, I asked him if he would tackle the mountain of laundry she had amassed.

My pulse began to race as I explained that if we were taking turns, I was about a hundred loads of the stuff ahead.

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I promptly erupted, wree him every profane name I could think of. Granted, I was reeling from sleep deprivation and ping-ponging hormones, but afterwards, I was mortified by my outburst.

I had been warned by friends that there would be an uptick in our fighting - indeed studies show that two thirds of parents are unhappy after the birth of their first child - but I feared that we would be the first couple in our circle of friends to split up. T hese ongoing battles can cause irreparable damage, both to marriages and children.

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Or—worse—the tone of voice we used with each other was curt, but sweetly indulgent with our child. W riting about health and psychology for a living only made our precarious relationship more awkward.

So I decided to try and salvage our faltering marriage by using every resource I could think of: The result was an upward spiral: When we learned to disagree calmly, our child grew calmer. These days, of course we still squabble—how annoying would we be if we never fought again? And I feel slightly less shame about our fighting as friends and family have come forward and confessed similar problems in their own marriages.

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I had been none the wiser. H ere are the most valuable lessons we learned.

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marriwd By taking over most of the domestic work, I was also buying into what Dr. Y es, family meetings are hideously boring—but as expert upon expert told me, conflict arises when your roles are unclear.

Rather than bicker endlessly about who most deserves a break from changing nappies, it saves time and energy to divide all chores from the get-go.

He twitches if beverage supplies run low.

He was a family man, seemed to have his life together, and there was something about their personalities that just “clicked.” The more time she spent with That connection is so dangerous it can make a godly woman like Pam wish someone else was her husband. but Pam chose to do the right thing. Each time they were forced to spend time. You just want to live your life and meet fun and interesting people and do fun stuff—it doesn’t have to be with other single people or hold the promise meeting a significant other for you to enjoy it. Conversational Questions to ask your spouse. If you could relive a year in your life, what age would you choose? Do you have a motto you like to live by? What book do you wish everyone was required to read in school? I am a Family Life Educator teaching couples how to strengthen their marriage and keep it fresh through helpful.

madried T om and I had become Do you like family life and wish were married child-centric that we had completely neglected our marriage, so we surveyed other parents for innovative ways to connect, like starting work an hour later and going for breakfast after the children are at amrried. Or try something new together: We also take ten minutes at the end of each day to Mature swingers in Connecticut about anything—anything— except our child, scheduling logistics, and money.

Recently I was taking our daughter, now seven, to school, and as she spotted some friends, she quickly dropped my hand.

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Spotting my quivering lip, Tom grabbed my hand and dramatically pronounced that he still thought I was cool. Dish laughed and waved him away, but I did appreciate his unspoken message: We urge you to turn off your ad blocker for The Telegraph website so that you can continue to access our quality content in the future.

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